For my baby, again.

this shows how annoying you are

Earlier today, my mind was loaded with a baggage of thoughts. Few minutes ago, it breaks free from it's origin, leaving me gasped in wonder. I was so depressed today when my mind composed a sentence that says ' i am not good enough for you baby'. It wasn't you, it was me. Being with you, makes me feel like being in a carnival. I am drenched with bliss. Living like a carefree lil kid, like i never had the word 'torment' inside my vocabulary.

When we start crossing swords, i was so afraid that you'd step a pace forward and forget me. My heart screams in terror whenever we exchange blows. I don't want to lose you love. Never. I feel safe when your arms are wrapped around me. I feel safe when you are sitting next to me, under those exquisite scene of the stars, and you being downright irritating. When i am with you, i am immune to any sadness. I want those moments to be permanent. I don't want these sparks between us to ever be a history. I want you to always be mine...

I constructed a wall made with our love this time. As a shelter from any hurdles that we might face in the future. Here i am, offering you my hand for you to construct this together with me. So that, there's a guarantee that we will be together for long.

Life, originally , is like an empty page for everyone. I sketched and drafted a few lines and shapes that resembles what my life is all about... And i leave this to you to paint it for me baby. Loving you is my job. Making you happy is my firm mission. I gambled my heart this time, in this battlefield of love, for you. =) I wanna be in your arms at all times. Whisper those three words, and i'll always be yours.

Here i am, graphing a sincere apology , again for you baby. Sorry if i accidentally get your heart wounded. Sorry if i made you sad. I know the word sorry has no valuable meanings but i am sorry, and i love you so much.

Sincerely,

your lovely princesssss!

something for me to awe about

I let my world painted with black and white yesterday. Inundated with silence as i pushed the 'pause' button so that i could catch a breath. Like always, i had the appetite to stop and stare for a while. Though i was sitting in a rowdy crowd that had no space for silence, the only thing i could listen to was the buzzing sound that my thoughts were making. So i kept my lips sealed, ears clogged up and kept my eyes wide open!

Who knew, glimpsing at other people could be so entertaining? Who knew just by glancing, you could really change your stand?

While the clouds were shedding tears, my mind was shedding thoughts. The atmosphere that i was breathing in was invaded by an army of gloom. I rolled my eyes side to side, with hopes that I’d get something in return. Of course, I did. Heart wrenching scenes of an old disabled man, on a wheelchair, trying to cross the road all by himself. I saw old men, sleeping at the side of the road. I saw a mother and a baby sat at the other side of the place, panhandling for money. I saw a kid, possibly my baby brother’s age, trudged around the place with conspicuous hopes scribbled on his forehead. Hopes that speak for him. Also, he was dressed in with a torn shirt, barefoot too!

At the other side of the picture, lies other subjects that are destined to live otherwise. Women who had dozens of shopping bags wrapped around their wrists. Men who had expensive coats wrapped around their body.People who do own an endless supply of 'notes made by devils' a.k.a *money* inside their pocket. I'm transfixed by those scene i could glance at. Different people, living in one scene. I'm running out of words...

So I amassed all those images that my eyes could capture, and begin to ponder.. about life... My heart was wrapped with guilt . While i was busy squandering my money for those clothes and whatnot, i realize that there are people who actually needed the money more than me. For basic needs. For survival. It isn't humane. sigh =/

Like us, they have feelings too. Yet, nearly all of us treat these 'unfortunate' people like trash coated with bull's dung. Like they're some kind of robot that had no bloody feelings for us to mull over. I wonder what's happening to the world exactly. The word 'humanity' is mutating into 'animality' perhaps.

For my one and only

Today, the waves from the ocean of my mind finally crashed into the shore of my senses. I drowned myself inside the oodles of thoughts about you when you hurled those despicable words at me ling. What slipped from your tongue made me savvy a stream of new things. I was hurt, i wanted to just whack you with a stick and choke you and see you die but maybe you were right after all. The bottom-line is, I was wrong. So, here I am, addressing an apology that's coming directly from my heart to you, love. I am sorry for making you feel that way.

When you are with me, i felt like a newborn baby again. Your taste of comfort is surreptitiously growing sweeter. So sweet that i yearn to be closed to you at all times. Your taste of comfort keeps my heart warm. I love how protective you can be and seeing you jealous, makes me smile. =D

By some means, i felt as if you are my knight and shining armor that i've always been dreaming of. =) My mind has always been pregnant with 'what ifs'. What if you hurt me ling. What if i hurt you. And i don't feel like going through this process where my heart breaks into lil pieces, and i have to watch you go. . My mind is painted with black thoughts and do neutralize it for me. And, i kept on thinking, (favorite what if of all time) i don't deserve anyone like you. For once, i admit i felt like a devil in an angel form . =D You are my angel =)

I made an oath to not fall for anyone but i failed. Who in the world could ever stop themselves from falling? No one. So, yes i lost myself to the gravity. In this case, you are my gravity. And your love is my gravitational force. =) I was transfixed when i heard those three words from you. But when i say 'I love you ling', it is not an empty promise. I can tell you this everyday without having even a pinch of apathy. *Told you i can be sweet!*

So here i am, scribbling these words at 4.49 am, telling you how much you mean to me. Every time the clock ticks, i had my mind painted with your face. Horrid truth! Everything that i see or do reminds me of you. I know i can be a real pain in the ass , and i know i can be annoying, and i know that i speak or do things without thinking. I know i know. But believe me when i say, hurting you is the last thing i would ever want to do ling.

Ps- i love you. =)