Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Assaulted by a stream of cataclysm

Hello readers, I am immersed in my December mood that i'm having a strenuous time tugging my body out from this comfort zone. *sigh* It has been a great month, thronged with strands of memories to be framed inside my head. Moving on, i think its time for me to address a warmly apologies to every member of the human race that i once, twice, or continually hurt. I am just a human being, constructed with flaws and only flaws to live with until my very last breath. Imperfection does usher me to the worst side of me sometimes. And then , comes the word 'regret'. I do feel contrite about things that i've done in the past. All the time. And i know the word SORRY is overrated, set aside as the most easiest word to speak nowadays. But trust me people, this time it flows directly from my heart.

So, 2010 did assault me with a stream of cataclysm that i can never wipe them out from my mind. I was emotionally abused by everything. My education, my boyfriend (ex), my friends , myself. I secluded myself from any social activities throughout the year, rummaging for my true self. I abused my parents' trust and i keep on notifying myself not to get their heart wounded ever again. Thanks to my stupidity, my life was slowly crumbling. I put my future at risk and i know i still have time to start mending it with tools that i've abandoned once. Nevertheless, i still had the chance to run across a few new people throughout the journey and i am overjoyed! I was sprinkled with awareness and i know i've changed. On top of that, i finally followed the white light and now i am no longer coated by the weather from the blues. *phewww* Let's say, 2010 is a lonely year for me. #foreveralone

Now that this year is so closed to its funeral, so closed to its expiry date, i can finally inhale a scent of 2011! This January, it will be a pit start for me to abolish my mistakes. Time for me to carve the blunt edge of my life and not jeopardize my future anymore. That is my oath ! I raised my white flag long ago, not wanting to wander with no directions, or live my life aimlessly. I don't want to be the girl that will be getting my one feet off the ground, relying on some decaying stick to hold on to. I am no longer that kind of person. I think it is rather futile for me to be listing out my resolutions and mortified at the end of 2011 for being the same old creep. I'll just keep it to myself.

Enough with that . I am off to bed . Nights!

Friday, December 17, 2010

If tomorrow never comes . . .

Death is natural. Everyone dies and yet we live as if, we know that we won't die tomorrow. But people, what if tomorrow never comes?

Dear god ,

If i my tomorrow never comes, will you take a good care of my parents and my brothers forever and always? Will you let them know how much they mean to me and they are the only people in this one big bogus world that i truly love. They have a heart that is far more precious than a gold. That you know.Will you tell mama that i love her too much ? And that, she needs to be strong for what she is going through is inexplicable.Will you tell papa that he is the best father that anyone could ever wish for? Will you tell my brothers that even though i rebuke them everyday, but deep inside, i felt protective over them. Will you forgive me for being one sinful human ? Will you eradicate my sins? Will you let those people that i've once hurt know that i am truly deeply sorry. Will you let those people that once hurt me know that i have actually forgiven them all? And i hold no grudge against anyone. I promise. Will you tell all of my friends how i am gratified to have them in my life? And, thanks god. I have a great life. Very distinctive one. Very unique and not all can grasp what i meant but i know you do.



Thursday, December 16, 2010

The past is no longer dominant to me

Hello readers. .

Again, I flicked through the pages i once scrawled at the back of my mind. Just having a lil glimpse about the past i once led. It was suicidal at first but i am over it. It felt as if i was only running my eyes over a story book. Spiteful past i shall say but no longer as dominant as before.

I still remember when my heart was no longer in a normal pace, and it felt as if a very keen knife just stabbed through my heart. I remember when i bawled inside my room, pretending as if that could ease the tension i felt but truth is, it didn't. I remember that excruciating pain and all i ever thought was a stream of hatred rushed through my vein. But the hatred never last. I've always been the one who easily forgives other people. I grew up with that very doctrine. I remember how's it like to drench myself with a feeling of melancholy. And i pray, yeah i pray every single night before i go to sleep, wishing for a better day. And i told god that my indecisiveness really scotched my happiness and that i need him to decide for me this time.

As the months flew off my sight, god seems to prick up his ears for me and granted my prayer. I guess he made me wanting to isolate myself from everyone just to savor every littlest thing that i've missed out about my life. He wanted me to stand by my own feet this time. I feel rapturous by the thoughts i have. I can never be any happier than this. I seek for happiness and it has finally reached its hand for me. The emptiness that i once felt were engrossed with everything. I learned how to smile again.

So friends, if you are really in an anguish, before you make any pace , senseless, you should know that time does heal all wounds. And if you feel that you have nobody else in the world, think twice.