Sunday, November 14, 2010

Ah i am not good in giving titles

Not so long ago, my bed time stories were about love. My ears were always at ease, keeping my heart and mind open to that kind of talk, knowing how beautiful the love stories can be. For instance, my aunt met my uncle at McD, they were fighting all the way. Two complete strangers fighting over a table. At the end of the day, they fell in love, they had their happily ever after. Sweet. Back then, love stories were painted with vivid colors. Now, well i believe everyone met their partner on facebook. The dull love story painted with only black and white.

To drench you with my awes, traditionally, guys were the ones that had to trudge the first pace. What about now? I am baffled by the tradition as i witness girls nowadays are the one chasing after guys. I, on the other hand, never really asked a guy out, or ask for their numbers even. I don't know if i am living in a deserted life on my own, maybe i haven't really getting myself updated with today's cultures. So, readers, tell me. If you are sticking with the tradition or you are complying the new one? Feel free to leave it here / inbox. As you wish .

Perhaps, the tradition is an ancient egyptian stories that has finally been buried along with the mummies. Moving on.

Another interrogation that i'd like to propose is that. . uhh how do i put this in a digestible sentences. My confidence are rather been so shaky lately. Afraid, if it might caved in or something. So, i googled ways to make do of that. And this is one of the panacea. Answer this. What do you think of me? Friends!!! Kinda need help here =D

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Spell meant to be broken

The sense of grateful intensified as i flipped through the modernized chapter of my life. The fresh scent of it diffused around the room, making me feel vibrant too. I can only engrave the most sincere smile on my face, sighing with relief. The agony has finally blown away , becoming another ancient history for me. It has reached its expiry date and now the table turns. I am the lucky winner for now. Enough said.

After a year and several months of falling for a guy that i doubt his existence, i am beginning to fathom in depth how foolish i was to be in love with his words, not him. You see, i can only love someone that i feel comfortable with. A guy that had something wrong with his brain. A guy that i can be so damn spoiled with, be scolded and whatnot. Yeah, that. He had everything. except, he was never really there. No dates, no phone calls. We had a bizarre love story. Hands down. Exquisite words hurl at the right time right place. Making me attached to him even more. Until, few months back when i could feel my heart fractured, with breaking sound when i spotted the same words we shared, has been sprinkled to other girls. With the s. I am a good stalker. =D

Yeah, love is like a battlefield. I was fighting for it, defending our love but he betrayed me. I felt as if my heart got struck by an arrow. I turned cold. Living without a heart for a while was like living without a soul. I never really gave up but my heart already surrendered. Its over. He wanted to work things out but he never did. I just waited for him, waiting for a miracle to emerge. Our love had finally ceased away and maybe, it wasn't love after all. I am over him, its over.

It has been months since i uttered those three words. ' i love you'. Maybe, you won't hear me saying that ever again.

Its a spell i just casted. No more saying that world until a true prince charming could break that spell. I believe in fairy tales. Let it be that way. Chow for now people!

Monday, November 1, 2010

You are not alone

People talk as if , i had never landed my feet onto the ground of relationships before. They speak, as if i never felt how its like to feel , as if a honed blade just cut my heart, leaving only wounds. They think, i never knew how is it like to be in a pool of tears shrouded my pillows at night. Those sleepless nights, those feeling that you get, those clenching feeling that you get on the heart, you just wanted to bawl, let everything out and get over it. Yeah, been there, done that.

But. . Just because, i am the girl that carves the biggest smile on my face when i'm around you, chuckling for infinity, jumping like a retard, i do have feelings, and i do cry myself to sleep. At times. . Then the mood swings back up again. That is me. . Come on, i am a girl . Sensitive, delicate and fragile. Harrowing fact to emit. If i were to list down, the love stories i had , the pages that i need to scribble is endless.

I garnered all the guidelines that my friends had lob towards me. All those textbook answers that you can read elsewhere. 'Move on!' The only thing that is affordable for people to speak.. Hey, i knew that already. Just, how do you make it more undemanding? How do you muster those guts when everything is falling apart? How can you even stand when your feet are dysfunctional? Like your body is living in a solitude, where bones and muscles quit functioning.

Now, my grip is strained between those wishes i've hurled. I've always wanted to change. I constructed that as a concrete wall! Let all those hurricanes collided to it, but there it is, standing still. Although it can manifest a few lines of cracks, it is still a wall. That won't change. I've moved on. With a distance that i feel contented. I knew, someday, somehow, there is a guy out there, will be perfect enough to be my knight and shining armor..

Moving on is the most onerous thing you could ever do. But its certainly worthwhile. I am now a bird.. well with broken wings perhaps.