People talk as if , i had never landed my feet onto the ground of relationships before. They speak, as if i never felt how its like to feel , as if a honed blade just cut my heart, leaving only wounds. They think, i never knew how is it like to be in a pool of tears shrouded my pillows at night. Those sleepless nights, those feeling that you get, those clenching feeling that you get on the heart, you just wanted to bawl, let everything out and get over it. Yeah, been there, done that.
But. . Just because, i am the girl that carves the biggest smile on my face when i'm around you, chuckling for infinity, jumping like a retard, i do have feelings, and i do cry myself to sleep. At times. . Then the mood swings back up again. That is me. . Come on, i am a girl . Sensitive, delicate and fragile. Harrowing fact to emit. If i were to list down, the love stories i had , the pages that i need to scribble is endless.
I garnered all the guidelines that my friends had lob towards me. All those textbook answers that you can read elsewhere. 'Move on!' The only thing that is affordable for people to speak.. Hey, i knew that already. Just, how do you make it more undemanding? How do you muster those guts when everything is falling apart? How can you even stand when your feet are dysfunctional? Like your body is living in a solitude, where bones and muscles quit functioning.
Now, my grip is strained between those wishes i've hurled. I've always wanted to change. I constructed that as a concrete wall! Let all those hurricanes collided to it, but there it is, standing still. Although it can manifest a few lines of cracks, it is still a wall. That won't change. I've moved on. With a distance that i feel contented. I knew, someday, somehow, there is a guy out there, will be perfect enough to be my knight and shining armor..
Moving on is the most onerous thing you could ever do. But its certainly worthwhile. I am now a bird.. well with broken wings perhaps.